• Bryan Drew

Emergency Services

it starts with a bridge. google maps says it’s 20 minutes by bike and i don’t remember if i know how to ride but i’m desperate. i don’t know what to do with myself, i just know i need to do something before i do other things. by the beach, the air is cooler and it’s not like it’s unbearable but i wish i could remember something warm. the moon is just about full, the waves are calm and i’m trying to figure out how to be. this is a big thought, big feelings that i don’t think i have the body for. mondays come around and they bring clock work with them. i think of the er, even start heading there. i circle back to the bridge. there’s so many chances but not enough of them are mine. i’m afraid of heights but it couldn’t matter less right now. i could step forward and it would be so easy. i could go back home and it would be so hard. tell me about surviving and how it’s worth it. is there really a light that will make up for all this lost time? i can’t believe it’s 5am and i’m still nothing. i know a lot about bleeding, how long it lasts and i’ve got the color down to a hex code. this is not supposed to be a talent but maybe it should be, maybe because i haven’t lost too much of it yet. i hop off my bike just to hop back on. this is supposed to be the end, but i never catch a break. there’s too much time for me to try even though i don’t want to. i run over rocks on the way home, almost fall and this doesn’t scare me when my life was at stake. what scares me is people not knowing, not understanding what i mean when i say i’m not built to be a person. i’m on the way home and then i’m there.i make it out alive but do i really? head on the pillow, there’s always going to be a bridge.

"Unititled" by Irina Novikova (Ирина Новичкова).